Hugh Explains: Vampires
by Galefire
Summary: "If Edward isn't a vampire, what is he?" Sometimes Hugh couldn't help but think Kyouhei was a lost cause. Every other moment in time, he was too busy arguing to even think straight. Short one-shot.


"Are you a vampire?"

Hugh looked up from the book he had been reading, titled "How to grow your own brain-cells", face aglow with confusion. His crimson eyes travled across the room, before locking gazes with the one who had spoken. The blue haired trainer blinked, wondering what insane idea his friend had come up with now.

"What the hell makes you think that?" He asked, perhaps a little more harshly then he had meant to. It had been a long day for him: his Flygon grew a sudden addiction to donuts, his mother forced him to go underwear shopping with her, Bianca had somehow crashed a car through his house despite not even owning a car, and his Flygon had attempted to bite his friend Mei's head off, thinking her hair buns were a couple of donuts. These last couple minutes was the only time he'd had to relax today, and now it was being spoiled by Kyouhei's numerous, useless questions.

Kyouhei, a fourteen year old with large blue eyes and godly hair, blinked at Hugh's response, thinking of how to reply.

"Well... Your eyes are that red colour, and in this book it says that Vampires have red eyes." He held up a copy of "Twilight", looking utterly stumped.

Hugh couldn't help but wonder how the hell his friend had even managed to read the book despite not being able to get past grade 1 reading, or if he had even read it properly at all, but he shook his head, clearing his train of thought.

"No. I'm not a vampire. Vampires have pale faces, long fangs, and..."

"And they sparkle!" Kyouhei spoke up cheerfully.

Hugh groaned. "No they don't!"

"But Edward's a vampire and he sparkles!"

"He's not a vampire!" Hugh protested, slightly in disbelief he was actually having this conversation. That was the last time he ever took the other trainer to a book store.

Kyouhei's eyes grew wide. "Then why does he sparkle?"

"Because the author doesn't know what literature is." The blue haired teen remarked simply, taking a sip of the water bottle he had next to him.

Kyouhei gasped in horror, tears welling up in his eyes as an offended look spread across his face.

"B-but, she's my role-model!" He whimpered, bottom lip trembling.

"That's terrifying." Hugh muttered. "Do you even know her name?"

"Yes!"

"..."

"..."

"...Mind sharing?"

"It's..." Kyouhei squinted down at the book he had placed on his lap, inspecting each letter carefully. "St... Step... Step-sister..." He raised the book to his face. "...Germany." He finally decided.

Idiot.

Hugh felt like beating up a small kitten. But not a Purrlion, oh Arceus not a Purrlion!

"Her name is Germany?" He asked in a mockingly serious tone of voice, raising an eyebrow. Hugh decided that the childish trainer had to be pulling his leg, there was no way he was that st-

"Yep!" Kyouhei responded in his normal happy-go-lucky tone of voice. "The proof's right here!" He pointed eagerly at the word "Stephanie" printed in white on the black page.

At yet somehow he was.

Hugh slowly raised a hand to his face, forcing his temper down.

"Her name..." He muttered through gritted teeth. "Is Stephanie Magikarp."

"Ooh..." Kyouhei nodded slowly, an understanding look spreading through his features. "...I don't get it."

"OH NEVERMIND!" Hugh finally snapped, forcing his gaze back towards to books he was supposed to be reading. He took another drink of water before going on. "This conversation's over."

Silence spread over the two boys as they both went back to their books, calm and peaceful. Hugh let out a sigh of contentment as he finally had a moment mostly to himself, just him, and this really creepy book in their own little w-

"Hey Hugh," Kyouhei perked up again, clearly not able to shut up for longer then two seconds.

Hugh slammed his read down with a long, drawn-out groan. Why had he invited the brown haired teen to his house? Why?

"What is it now?" Hugh grumbled, purposely leaking as much raw anger into his voice as he deemed possible.

"If Edward isn't a vampire, what is he?"

"A pedophile." The red eyed teenager responded instinctively, regretting the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

Kyouhei cocked his head curiously, clearly not understanding. "What's a pedophile?"

'He has to be the most sexually unaware person I've ever met," Hugh thought with a sigh. "And that includes my sister."

Seriously, did his parents just one day say: "oh, we're not going to teach him anything about anything because he'll probably just figure it all out through many awkward conversations with his friends! He heh... I like chicken..."

Sounded pretty accurate.

"Well..." Hugh scratched the back of his head awkwardly, searching desperately for an answer. "A pedophile is... Is a... Umm... You know what? You were right all along. Edward is most definitely a vampire."

Kyouhei only looked even more lost. "But I thought you said vampires didn't sparkle!"

"Well you see, Kyouhei, Twilight doesn't make any sense." Hugh started to take another drink.

"Touché." His friend agreed, starring down at the book. "If Edward doesn't have any liquids in his body, how would it be biologically possible for him to make a baby?"

Hugh started to choke on his water, eyes widening with shock. He spat the drink out all over Kyouhei, who didn't even react.

"Wait, WHAT?!"

**_~*The end*~_**


End file.
